It’s spilled milk at this point anyway; there’s not way to reclaim my wasted youth. Women in my age group are nearing, in, or through menopause, and the trans-generational thing won’t cut it for me. I would never trust her motives anyway. Life’s OK. I don’t recommend a celibate life, but it’s doable. I was a virgin until 21 years old. And not because I wanted to be. I was painfully shy and not attractive enough for anyone to pay attention to me. I was tortured by the stigma and my confidence was in the toilet. Women can be judgmental and cruel. My nightmare was to fall in love with an experienced woman while still a virgin.

• Dutch Ebony

There’s obviously a lot of alcoholic self-loathing going on, and depression and alcoholism go hand in hand. Throughout my adult life, I have been functional, had decent if not particularly lucrative jobs. I’ve even managed to have some fun, and there have been several times when I know women have been interested. But I developed a connubial version of the old Groucho Marx joke: I would never be interested in any woman who would accept me. I would assume she’s pathetic and desperate. Especially by their late 30s, a lot of women do get desperate at the prospect of never getting married. I would never be anything but consolation prize, because all the first round draft picks are taken, by someone willing to put up with little or no sex who will remember good sex she had during the bloom of youth.

• Dutch Dominate Singles

Dwelling on sex inevitably leads to grinding humiliation. I remember in my early 30s, working as a substitute teacher for a while when I was between regular jobs, overhearing these two students talking about sex with their girlfriends. Yes, I know, adolescent males BS a lot, but I could tell this was not a bragging thing. They were good-looking juniors or seniors. I remember thinking that they were already men that I was never going to be. I’ve always had trouble thinking of myself as a “man.” In spite of working out and staying in shape, getting a Black Belt…oh what the fuck.

• Netherland Single Dates

I tried to think of what a “date” would be like, but I couldn’t. Do what? Talk about what? I’m bored, boring and irritable when I’m not drinking, and what kind of woman wants to sit around watching some guy drink ten or twelve beers? Unless she’s pretty much of a dweeb herself she’s been with a few guys who know what they’re doing and, even if I could pull it off, there’s no way the sex would be any good. This essentially set my life’s course. At an age that should have been my most sexually active I had given up. I didn’t see celibacy as something I willed on myself but simply acknowledging “the writing on the wall.” Rejection had never really been the issue, but a visceral feeling that I don’t deserve it and I’m not up for it.

• Dutch Sugar Dating At Loveawake

Even after getting sober in my mid-40s, and getting some relief from the depression thing, I still can’t get passed the inexperience part. I can understand why some women are not attracted to unattached guys. And MOST women to guys who have lived their adult lives alone and never been in a real relationship. Much past mid-30s, a guy who is marriage material is going to be married. Not true with women; there is no shortage of middle-age women who are single for various reasons, especially in my metro area. But they damn well better be suspicious of unattached men, and I’m a case in point.

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